Jace O

ATTENDED 2011–2013, BUSINESS MANAGEMENT

GRADUATED UVU, 2015

Describe your experience at BYU

I had a very rough experience at BYU. I met a lot of amazing people, but, overall, it was the pinnacle of when I was coming out and I had to deal with my own emotions and mental health issues. It really forced me to really analyze who I am and what do I want out of life. It helped me realize that I needed to remove myself from that situation and transfer to UVU in order to protect my own mental health.

Why did you choose to go to BYU?

I think it was for a variety of reasons. The academics obviously speak for themselves. It’s an incredible school. I also wanted to impress my parents and family members and peers, so there was a lot of social pressure in that regard as well.

Did you “come out” at BYU and then transfer to UVU?

The other way around. I transferred to UVU, and then I started to come out slowly to friends and family, and it was the best thing I ever did.

What did “coming out” look like for you?

I never really had a coming out story. I never made a post or vocally came out to the public. I also tried to be myself and over the years I started to tell more people and be authentic, and eventually it became normal.

What are some of the mental health issues you struggled with as a queer student at BYU?

I dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression when I was there. I actually went through conversion therapy when I was eighteen years old, and I went to BYU following that conversation therapy. Dealing with that and the dilemma of being gay and Mormon was a big struggle, and so that was a large part of my anxiety and my depression: living up to people’s expectations of me and trying to rid myself of these feelings and insecurities. Going through [regular] therapy and learning to love myself helped reduce those anxieties.

Why was UVU better for you?

At UVU, I didn’t have the pressure to live up to some expectation with the Church and the honor code, and I didn’t have to feel like my college credits and academic career were in jeopardy. Going to UVU, allowed me to breathe a little bit better because I knew that there was nothing I could say or do could get me kicked out of this school and my college credits were protected. It gave me more peace of mind. And it allowed me to be more open and free.

Were you able to explore more of your sexuality at UVU?

Definitely. I was able to explore myself a little bit more, date other people, and not feel as guilty for doing it—and not feel like I wasn’t living up to some sort of expectation that I couldn’t fulfill. It was really liberating to do that.

When did you first realize you were queer?

I noticed it when I was 13 or 14 and I was starting to go through puberty, but I didn’t really connect the dots between being gay or homosexual until I was 16. I realized that you don’t necessarily have to be one type of person in order to be gay; you don’t have to wear a certain type of clothing or act a certain way—you can just be you and be gay.

Did you serve a mission?

I decided not to serve a mission for a lot of reasons, primarily for my mental health. I was at BYU when I was 18, 19, and 20 years old, and it was the worst time to be there because I was having social pressure from professors, from classmates, and from those around me to go on a mission, and I didn’t feel like it was a good thing for me. I wasn’t in a good mental state of mind with my depression and anxiety to go on a mission. And so, my bishops would reiterate to me that it was probably not the right thing for me; my therapists also concluded the same thing. And so I decided it wasn’t for me.

What does your spirituality look like today?

I don’t really find myself super religious, but I do believe in a higher power. I believe that spirituality is key to a happy life. I try to spend my time on doing the right things and living by a moral code, helping other people and using my skills, abilities, and talents to help the world and leave it a better place than I found it.

What’s a piece of advice for a current queer student at BYU?

Be yourself. Don’t listen to organizations or people or leaders that try to tell you that one size fits all, that you have to be a certain way in order to be happy. Be yourself. Be authentic. Be happy. Be real. And the happiness will follow. The key to happiness is authenticity. I promise you it gets better.

Answers to the questions are transcribed from Braxton’s video interview and lightly edited for clarity.

Posted March 2021